Monthly Archives: September 2014

Jerry Jones: Best Dallas Cowboys GM ever

If you’re a fan of an NFL team not named the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones is your dream GM. Let’s review.

— Jerry Jones buys the Dallas Cowboys, fires Tom Landry, hires Jimmy Johnson, and announces all three at the same press conference.

— Jerry Jones pressures Jimmy Johnson into leaving the Dallas Cowboys head coaching job, even though Johnson had won back-to-back Super Bowls in ’92 and ’93.

— In 1998, Jerry Jones has a chance to snatch up Randy Moss and doesn’t do it.

— Jerry Jones trades two first-round draft picks to Seattle for wide receiver Joey Galloway in 2000, who promptly tears his ACL, misses the rest of the season, and doesn’t do much of anything thereafter.

— Roy Williams in 2008. Enough said.

— Jerry Jones still believes in Tony Romo, and gives him a six-year contract extension in 2013 worth up to $108 million.

— Jerry Jones could have drafted Johnny Manziel in 2014, which if nothing else, would have put butts in the seats. That said, if he had actually drafted Manziel I would be listing it here as well. Some things you just can’t win.

You could call Jerry Jones the new Al Davis, but that really isn’t fair to Al Davis. At one point the Oakland Raiders former owner and GM actually knew what he was doing. I see no signs Jerry ever did. Yes, even with the third Super Bowl win.

Okay, I’ll give Jerry credit for that one thing. Signing Barry Switzer? Fuck no. Signing Deion Sanders. When Deion played for the ‘9ers, the ‘9ers won the Super Bowl in ’94. When he played for Dallas in ’95, Dallas won the Super Bowl. Deion was clearly the swing.

So that’s one. But he sure hasn’t done anything right lately.

Too bad, because more and more Jerry Jones is getting pressured to let someone else take the GM role. But don’t you listen them, Jerry, don’t you do it.

We Seahawks fans are depending on you.

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Do not watch the Steelers vs. Ravens tonight

In light of what I’ll call the Ray Rice scandal, everyone should boycott tonight’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Baltimore Ravens.

And Roger Godell should resign.

Don’t expect him to get fired, though. He’s exactly the kind of rubber stamp the NFL owners want, I imagine. His job comes down to doing two things and doing them well. First, he finds a consensus among the owners— surreptitiously, away from the prying eyes of the media. Then once he finds that consensus, he does the NFL owners’ bidding.

It works. You haven’t heard anybody asking for Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti to resign, have you? That’s because he’s got plausible deniability. And that’s because Godell did his job. Perfectly.

I imagine.

Don’t expect Godell to resign, either. Just as I don’t expect you to boycott tonight’s game.

See you at the bar.

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It’s early September and the Longhorns suck

I figured out who Charlie Strong is. He’s Tony Kehl. What, you never heard of him?

Coach Kehl (pronounced kale) was Sonoma State University’s head coach from 1982 to 1986. He never had a winning record, not once, and his overall record at SSU stands at 12-40.

When I was a sports writer for the college paper, the Sonoma State Star, I would ask the sports information director and the athletic director and professors in the booster club and fellow scribes and broadcasters and pretty much anyone who listened why—in the hell—does Coach Kehl still have a job?

Everyone would give me pretty much the same answer. “He runs a clean program.”

Charlie Strong runs a clean program, too. It remains to be seen if it will be a winning program. In fairness, it was a winning program for about a week. And it won’t be a losing program for about another week. But don’t worry kids, it’s a clean program.

It better be. Because the Longhorns have lost a dozen players in the name of law and order, god and country, and the American way.

Let’s take a look at those names. Offensive tackle Desmond Harrison missed the first two games. Mighta coulda used him in the running game against BYU. Kennedy Estelle, another offensive tackle, was also suspended for last night’s game against BYU, along with running back Daje Johnson and safety Josh Turner.

Deoundrei Davis was kicked off the team a couple of days ago, but who cares, he was a backup linebacker.

But running back Joe Bergeron was a starter, and Strong kicked him off the team back in early August, along with Jalen Overstreet, Chevoski Collins, Kendall Sanders, Montrei Meander, Leroy Scott, and Chet Moss.

The Longhorns lost to BYU, 41-7.  Which makes it even worse than last year’s 40-21 loss.

Except this year it was a clean loss. So why don’t I feel better?

• • •

Man, Taysom Hill looked like Tim Tebow on steroids last night. He ran the ball well, scored three touchdowns, and passed from the pocket as cool as the other side of the cliche.

Fox broadcaster Joey Harrington kept saying, “I think Taysom Hill should be in the Heismann trophy discussion.” No kidding. How about you start it, Joey? To his credit, he eventually did.

Despite the loss, I saw some hope on the Longhorns team. Malcom Brown, the defensive tackle, played his ass off. He earned 3 total sacks — two half sacks and two completely on his own. Jordan Hicks and Quandre Diggs, who intercepted a pass in the end zone, also played well on the defensive side.

On offense, QB Tyrone Swoopes did not suck. He only threw two bad passes overall, one of them an interception, but he threw a touchdown pass to John Harris, who also played well. Swoopes hit 20 of 31 passes for 176 yards, and Harris caught 8 passes for 77 yards.

The punter (yeah, I’m reaching) is pretty damn good too, and averaged 42 yards on 8 punts with a long of 52.

That said, next week the Longhorns will have their asses handed to them by UCLA.

• • •

As of this writing, Romo just threw an interception to Willis in the end zone and the 49ers lead 21-3. It’s always amusing to watch the Dallas Cowboys each week and see what new and innovative ways they come up with to lose.

Still a Seahawks fan, though.

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Let’s give a big welcome to the newest Seattle Seahawks fan

Thursday night, a few firsts happened. First, NBC kicked off Thursday Night Football, which is kind of strange because from now on it’ll be broadcast on CBS.

And I started my new life as a Seattle Seahawks fan, which is even stranger sill.

This is not a change I take lightly. All my life I’ve been a San Francisco 49ers fan, and I’ve watched and rooted for the team since the John Brodie days, back when Brodie’s backup QB was the Ol’ Ball Coach, Steve Spurrier. That’s right, I’m old.

I’m a second-generation fan. My dad watched the first NFL 49er home game in 1949 live at old Kezar Stadium, the club’s home before they moved to Candlestick Park — a perfectly fine football field, by the way. Yes, terrible for baseball, but absolutely great for football. Even survived an earthquake.

But I digress. I’m no longer a fan of the red and gold. Well, let me take that back. When San Francisco plays the Dallas Cowboys this Sunday, I’m definitely going to be a fan. When the 49ers play anybody but the Seahawks, I’ll be a fan.

But the ‘9ers are my second team now behind the Seahawks, and for three reasons.

1) The team is comprised of thugs. Aldon Smith may be a great linebacker, but he’s a fucking drug-addicted moron. Two DUIs, a marijuana charge and an alleged bomb threat. Nice job. His behavior has recently been matched by defensive lineman Ray McDonald, who’s facing a felony domestic violence charge.

I’m sure it’s all a big misunderstanding, and yes, that’s sarcasm.

Hell, I’m not even a big fan of Colin Kaepernick, frankly. And it’s not because of the sexual assault accusation he was cleared of last June. It’s his style of play. His style is reminiscent of Michael Vick and RG3, which means Caepernick won’t be a healthy quarterback for very long.

I prefer Russell Wilson, who reminds me of Joe Montana. Like Montana, he plays cool. He stays in the pocket for the most part, but runs when he has to run. And then slides before he gets hit, something Vick, RG3 and Caepernick haven’t seemed to comprehend.

I prefer the Seatlle QB and I prefer the Seattle players in general. I will miss Michael Crabtree, Frank Gore and Vernon Davis, however.

2) The 49ers coach, Jim Harbaugh, has his head completely us his ass. He gets called for a personal foul because he’s running on field complaining about a call? Really? Sit the fuck down, Harbaugh. Stay off the field and lead by example.

And he’s hyper, and he sucks at interviews, and his biggest accomplishment thus far is making his brother John look great. Nothing like losing a Super Bowl to your brother to help said brother’s image, huh?

Whereas Seahawks coach Pete Carroll is laid back, funny, great at interviews, won every Super Bowl he’s ever been in, and has the calm demeanor and looks of beloved 49ers coach Bill Walsh. He even earned success at the college level, just like Walsh did before coming to a Super Bowl winning team.

Yeah, I know, he coached at the NFL level before his stint with USC and pretty much sucked at New England and the Jets, but he regrouped, got his chops down at USC, and came back to the NFL a winner.

I’ll take Carroll over Harbaugh any day.

3) The final reason might be the most important. The SF 49ers aren’t even playing in San Francisco anymore. They’re in Santa Clara — about 45 miles south of the city by the bay. Ironically, I never lived in San Francisco but did spend the first ten years of my life in Santa Clara, but believe me when I tell you—it doesn’t make me feel better.

Furthermore, my last California home was in Sonoma County, so if I still lived there (and if I did live in California, I would) I would have to travel 100 miles to see a game live. And I wouldn’t do that even if I had a press pass, which is pretty much the only way I’ve ever seen the 49ers live.

Things are different in Seattle. The Seahawks play in Centurylink Field, just south of downtown. You can even walk the 1.5 miles from the Pike Place Fish Market if you like.

That said, I’ll likely watch both teams on TV. And I’ll root for both, too. But in the NFC Championship, I’m takin’ the birds.

• • •

I’m still a San Francisco Giants fan. I love me the Panda, the Pence and the Posey. Yep, still behind The Killer Ps.

And their ballpark is gorgeous and in a great park of the city overlooking the bay. Easily accessible by ferry on the Marin County side, too.

And who doesn’t love Bruce Bochy, who managed the Giants to two World Series Championships? Man, I wish he had managed Willie’s teams.

Yep. I’ll be a Giants fan ’til the day I die.

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