Wed Wiver Wivalry is for wosers


The local media — specifically some unheralded writer in the sports pages of the Austin American-Statesman — got it right. We should no longer call the football game between Texas and Oklahoma the Red River Rivalry. We should call it the Red River Showdown.

I hate that name, Red River Rivalry, hate it. It’s not fair to make everybody talk like Elmer Fudd. So Showdown it is.

That is, unless we want to grow up and call it the Red River Shootout once again. What the hell’s wrong with that? It’s not like it’s called First, We Kill All The Redskins.

Whoa, whoa, Tex. Settle down. Little over the top there.

The Red River Shootout suggests a game with a lot of passing to me, not a game where linebackers sport Uzis. What’s wrong with people?

That said, if we want a modern politically-correct name, I have other suggestions.

— Texas OK Chainsaw Massacre (Oklahoma leads 9 to 5 since the year 2000)
— Red Neck Rivalry (at least I can say it)
— Like a Dallas Game, But Better (speaks for itself)

And my personal favorite,

— Crackers At The State Fair

It’s not my favorite Longhorns game, you know. I prefer Texas v. Oklahoma State (because I hate Mike Gundy and T Boone Pickens) or Texas v. Texas Tech (because I always like to watch Tech play). Last year, I slept through the Texas-OU game. Sorry. If you want me to cover it, put it on later in the day or at night like satan intended.

At any rate, if I can’t cover the game, at least let me pronounce it correctly.



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