The Pro Bowl starts at 7 p.m. on the East Coast, 4 p.m. on the West Coast, and 6 p.m. Texas time, but no matter where you live, we all have one thing in common.
We won’t be watching the damn Pro Bowl.
No, the Pro Bowl is only good for one thing—to show your significant others that you’re not hooked on football.
“Of course I love you more than football, baby. Let me take you out to dinner or to the movies. Yes, yes, I’m absolutely willing to walk out on this game.”
Still, the NFL definitely needs an all-star game, and I’m all for the tradition of sending the leagues stellar players to Hawaii.
Let’s just dump the actual football game.
It’s not like the NBA or MLB all-star games, where upwards of 40 to 60 percent of the players might well be giving their best. This a football game where no one wants to get hurt, so only one percent of the players give it their all.
But who gives a damn about kickers, anyway.
My first inclination was to send the NFL besters to Hawaii for a foosball tournament. No one gets hurt, they all can compete at 100 percent, and you only have to change one letter in the game.
The downside? It’s not very good television, since all you’d see are the player’s hands.
Then I thought maybe a bowling tournament would work. Competitors could even drink during the competition, and there would be a lot of face time in a bowling tournament.
The downside? What’s the point of being in Hawaii if you’re going to stay indoors?
So the answer is the NFL Pro Bowl Golf Tournament, sponsored by Titleist. The NFL could make it a three-day event, starting on Friday and ending Sunday. Think of it, the Hawaiian great outdoors, real competition, and lots of celebrity face time and interviews.
Now that’s something I’d be willing to watch a week before the Super Bowl.
And as to showing our loved ones we care about them more than football, don’t worry. We can always walk out on the East-West Shrine game.